​I think that it’s fair to assume that behind every great event is a great event organiser.  This is certainly true of the Southland and Dunedin Wedding Shows which are both run by Sandy Jefferies.  Sandy agreed to meet with me at a local café to discuss her journey from kindy teacher to wedding photographer, to wedding show organiser extraordinaire.

Sandy’s journey teaches us that life simply does not go in the logical A to B to C order.  It goes from A to Q to E to W to B.  For example, an early childhood teacher might pick up a camera to capture children at play as part of the documentation requirements of the kindy where she works. Through that simple act of picking up a camera, that kindy teacher might find herself stumbling across a passion. That was Sandy’s experience, and it’s a passion that she still enjoys today.  In short, one day she picked up a camera and never put it down.

It’s a curious thing that some people will find something they love doing and decide to make it a hobby and others will make it a business.  I asked Sandy about that turning point for her. “My partner, who is now my husband, told me - if you’re going to do something, you better do it properly”.  So Sandy went back to school to complete night courses in photography while she did teacher relieving during the day.  “The relieving helped pay for the course and the cameras.  I loved relieving.  I could pick and choose my work, it was flexible and I wasn’t tied down to one location”.

Sandy started her photography business in 2003 and enjoyed a variety of work from weddings to graduations to family portraits.  Exhibiting at local wedding shows was a great way for her to showcase her work.  This was the start a new interest area for Sandy, through this it all began.

Have you ever seen someone doing something and thought to yourself “I could do that but if I did it, I’d do this and that differently”?  I imagine a lot of people have those thoughts but only a few ever see it through.  Sandy is one of those people.  She saw huge potential in the wedding shows she exhibited at and eventually put her ideas into action.

2009 was a big year for Sandy. Not only was she launching her first series of wedding shows (that’s right, a series – 3 in fact) while simultaneously continuing her photography business, she was also busy making a person – her second child. I asked Sandy about the pressure of bringing together her first shows knowing a baby was on the way “It didn’t worry me.  I saw an opportunity and loved it”. I could tell this was a lady that didn’t do things by halves.  How did she come to be so focused and hard working?

In a word, swimming.  Sandy swam at a national level when she was growing up and had a coach who was an incredible mentor to her.  “He taught me the importance of 3 words; dedication, determination and drive.  If you haven’t got those things, don’t do it”.  It was clear that Sandy had ample access to all three of those important words given to her by a much loved coach.

Yet, all the dedication, determination and drive in the world cannot save us from learning the hard lessons when it comes to bringing forward a vision.  For Sandy, it was a lesson in knowing her limits.  Sandy was enjoying bringing her wedding shows to life and of course her photography business remained a passion but her baby girl was experiencing some health struggles and she came to the realisation that something had to give. Sandy stepped away from her photography business so she could have more time with her girl and focus more on her wedding shows. It was a hard decision but she knew it was what she had to do. “My children are my priority, they come first”. 

This was just one of many decisions that Sandy has navigated through her career.  She’s had to decide when to move to a new venue, when to stop having a show in one location and when to start one in another.  Trusting her gut proved to be another major lesson for Sandy, one that proved so harsh that mistakes made almost saw the end of the wedding shows altogether.  “I decided to shut them down.  I was severely tired and burnt out. I decided to have someone else do them”.  How did she feel during that time? “I was sad.  I felt like I had let myself down.  I hadn’t got to my goal or my dream”. 

Yet, during this low period for Sandy something quite remarkable happened.  The show that Sandy let go of started creating itself. A venue got in touch, compelling her to keep going and wanted to meet about holding her show at their location.  A panel hire company got in touch also compelling to her to keep going and wanted to meet to work out a floor plan.  Exhibitors from her previous shows got in touch and wanted to book their stalls for her next show.  What Sandy didn’t realise was that all her hard work had created a momentum that just couldn’t be stopped. There’s a quote I just adore from Joseph Jaworski’s book ‘Syncrhoncity’ about visionaries and their path - “one arrives at a point where freedom and destiny merge”.  In my opinion, this is what happened to Sandy.  When you are on your path, doing exactly what you’re meant to be doing – you simply cannot stop doing it even if you tried.

Sandy simply had to step into the show that was already being created around her.  Since then, Sandy has connected with people who help her bring the show together.  I asked Sandy how she felt about relinquishing control over some things “I just can’t do everything. To grow a business, you’ve got to learn to let go. You’ve just to put people in areas where you’ll know they’ll do well. You’ve got to trust people who are working in their passion”.

​I can tell from talking to Sandy that working with passionate people and mentoring other mums in business is one of the things she loves doing with the wedding shows. “There’s a lot of pressure on mums to succeed. They can stop believing in themselves and doubt their decisions.  I see it all the time. I tell them that everything you do leads to where you want to go.  But if you don’t have a path of where you want to go then it’s going to be really hard to get there”.

Sandy also likes to support others through community work with her local rotary club and also via charity events.  In fact, she has an upcoming high tea and auction event happening in Invercargill to raise funds for a local girl who broke her back during the March balcony collapse in Dunedin.  “My Dad worked a lot in the community.  He always to taught me to give to others and not to expect anything in return”.

I absolutely adored listening to Sandy pour her passion out to me.  It truly was an interview that I felt could have lasted a full day but I was able to squeak in a few questions at the end around her plans and vision for her wedding shows. “The vision is to be the ‘go to’ wedding event for brides”.  And does she have plans to grow the shows? “Absolutely yes, amazing plans”. The scoop is that there will be an awesome new event starting next year.  If you’re as intrigued as I am, I’m sure you’ll be watching this space.  With a lady like Sandy Jefferies dreaming up new events, you know it will be one not to be missed.

Thank you Sandy for allowing me to interview you.  It truly was an honour to chat with someone so passionate about what they do and equally passionate about seeing others working together to help brides have the wedding of their dreams.

For a while now I’ve seen a pattern emerging in some blogs and articles.  The ones that mum bloggers write lamenting the days of ‘the village’.  Actually, there is a beautiful one written by Bunmi Laditan that I share often because you can feel the heart of it as you read it. You ache for what she writes about.  A community of mums who take care of each other and each other’s children.  Who cook together, laugh together, cry together.  We notice the lack of community and connection in our lives and we sigh.  If only people weren’t so closed off from one another.  If only we weren’t so busy.  If only we reached out to each other and cared.  There comes a time, I feel, when the noticing and sighing needs to stop and accountability needs to step in.  No one is going to create a village for us, each of us must be a part of the process of creating it.

I wrote one such article myself and Pathways to Family Wellness actually published it.  But I didn’t write it as a sort of curse to the world and what it’s become.  I actually wrote it as part of creating a vision for ‘It Takes A Village…’ the community support initiative I started in East Auckland.  It wasn’t something I wrote to say “there’s no village these days, oh well”.  I wrote it because I needed something to look at every time I lost sight of why I was bothering to try.  It was my hope that ‘It Takes A Village…’ would create more connection and community where I lived and I’ll admit, I had some success but I learned quickly that this was a vision I couldn’t create alone. 

What I found was that the mums of my community were thirsty for connection.  I tested the waters with a sort of “hey anyone want to join an initiative where we all do what we can to help each other out?” – the Facebook group had over 100 members within a day.  This was one of those typical Bron moments where I leaped without looking.  Suddenly I had all these members I thought to myself “yes Bron, they’re here – now what are you going to do with them all?”  Of course I assumed they joined because they wanted to meet each other and start creating that village we all longed for.  “Woo hoo!” I said.  “Let’s all meet at the local beach for a picnic and connect”.  Off I went ready to embrace my local sisters and I was met with deafening silence.  One mum came, one. Lauren Hill who I love and miss terribly. 

I came to the realisation that yes, we want the village but many don’t want to do the work of creating and building the village.  This is true for so many societal disorders.  We sit around saying “someone needs to do something!” Yes we do.  We have to be brave.  Really, really brave.  It takes huge amounts of courage to let down your guards (just a little, easy does it!) and allow people into your homes and hearts.  To share vulnerable stories.  To hear vulnerable stories.  To refrain from judgement.  To accept people as they are despite not understanding why they say or do the things they do. 

Most of us live in a time poor world.  We have no time! We need to run on the treadmill of life just to keep everyone fed and clothed.  Changing how we function as a community could gift us more time but it would mean reconsidering how we relate to each other and how we do things.  For example, food is free if we grow it ourselves.  Water is free if collect it ourselves.  If we foster relationships with the people on our street we can share resources.  How many lawnmowers are there on one street? How many ladders? Who’s throwing out something somebody needs? How could we know if we haven’t ever said hello to each other?

You see, the reason I called the initiative ‘It Takes A Village…’ was not because I didn’t know the rest of the proverb is ‘to raise a child’.  It’s because I actually believe it takes a village to do a lot of things.  It takes a village to take care of our elderly, to help struggling families, to take care of our environment.  In essence, what I felt was that it takes a village to create a village.  I wanted to foster the village mindset.  I targeted the initiative towards mums because being a mum is my field of expertise.  I had hoped that over time the initiative would grow to include all members of the community. I also started with mums because they are hugely influential, much more than they realise.  And mothers working together? Oh the mountains they’d move.

And now I’m in Dunedin and I’m at it again.  You can take the girl out of the village etc.  I think it wont matter where I live, I will always be driven to create community and connection.   Especially for mums and people who mother (see my previous blog).  Because I think deep in our DNA we know that we are supposed to gather.  It’s like we’ve got amnesia and just have this faint memory that we are stronger when we support each other.  It’s why, I feel, coffee groups are so common and yet many mums feel unsatisfied with them.  Because some coffee groups have become a distant cousin to the true, deep, healing nature of women coming together to share their hearts with each other.  To practice the art of listening – deeply to each other.  Where we feel no need to give advice because we know that a woman speaks her troubles to clear her chaotic thoughts and feelings and access her own innate wisdom that waits calmly to rise once the path is cleared. It’s because of this that I created a meetup called 'Share Your Heart', it's where magic happens.

And I’ve learned my lesson that it’s not up to me to organise a whole community alone. I can't bring people together and say “right you lot – love each other”.  My job is simple.  To live and breathe community, caring, connection, empathy and acceptance.  To reach out again and again.  To open my home again and again.  More than anything I say, or write – my lived example will be what creates the most impact. We all hold that power.  Our lives are the very ripples that grow to create waves of change. Our awareness of the lack of a village must lead, eventually, to our accountability of its demise and our responsibility to pick up hammer and nails and build the community we want.

With love
Bron (village builder)

Interesting reads:
http://www.filmsforaction.org/articles/a-circle-of-gifts/
http://www.le.org.nz/savings-pools
http://www.le.org.nz/time-banks
 

For me, becoming a mother was like stepping into another dimension.  There was so much information and contradicting advice it made my head spin.  I have experienced the very highs and lows of motherhood and continue to ride the ups and downs.  My greatest struggles so far have  included going through post natal depression after the birth of my second daughter and the near drowning of my eldest which although traumatic, shot me into a space of gratitude and ignited a search for passion and purpose.

In January 2014, after yet another hard night of broken sleep and dragging myself off to work, I wondered "Is it supposed to be this hard?"  I put the call out to my local community of mums and asked "What if we all just did what we could to support each other?"  The concept was well received, and I had 150 mums join the community support initiative within 3 days.  I called it 'It Takes A Village...'

I had a fantastic time running this initiative, it was my passion. Even though I worked full time with two children under five I just loved doing it.  I ran clothing swaps, toy swaps, cultural celebrations, parenting and budgeting talks.  I saw that many mums were running in home businesses so I put on a MumsBiz expo to drum up local support.  That was amazing.  We ended up with a room of 40 mums networking and connecting like crazy. 

Many mums would come to me with their heartaches and struggles and that's why I felt compelled to run the Mothers Unite! Conference, to try and address those very hidden but very mum orientated issues of isolation and loss of identity.  By the time the conference was over in March 2015 I found I was almost burnt out.  I loved, loved, loved all that I was doing but the strain of working full time and doing it all was taking a toll.  I took a break for a bit and just as I was looking for ways to get funding for 'It Takes A Village...' my husband got a chance to be relocated to Dunedin for work.  It was very hard to leave what I created behind but it was truly the best thing for our little family, we had been struggling so much in Auckland. Some lovely Auckland mums have taken over 'It Takes A Village..' and it's now just reached over 1000 members in its Facebook community.  

So now I'm in Dunedin and back into my passion of building connection, love and community in the world of mums. If you'd like to work with me pop over to my 'Work With Bron' page or drop me a line via the 'Contact' page.  Looking forward to connecting with you!

Bronwyn Bay
Mum, Blogger, Freelance Writer, Community Builder